The mystery and false history of squirt cheese in a can

There is a cover-up going on even as we speak. I’m not talking about UFO’s or Bigfoot, or Atlantis. I’m talking about something that has a much more drastic impact on our everyday life. What could this possibly? Gasoline Prices…nah…WMD’s…fraid not…the culprit is cheese in a can. I was recently struck with a bout of curiosity over the invention of cheese in a can. Who would have though that you could put real cheese into an aluminum can and not have refrigerate it? I had to find out. I decided to go to the source of Cheese in a can the Kraft food company. I went to their website and submitted the question. “I’m looking for the history about cheese in a can”. Simple and concise…right to the point, to Kraft’s credit they did actually reply. This was their reply;

“Thank you for visiting http://www.kraftfoods.com/. I'm sorry as I'd like to assist you, the information you're requesting isn't currently available. I apologize for any disappointment this may cause you. If you haven't done so already, please add our site to your favorites and visit us again soon!”

Kim McMiller
Associate Director, Consumer Relations

I was less then satisfied with this reply. You would think that with a product so unique. There would probably be an interesting history behind it. I decided to dig a little deeper and see what if any information the Internet could offer on cheese in a can. Upon research I found very little background information cheese in a can. What I did find out was this:

- Cheese in a can or “easy cheese”, was invented in 1966
- It is made from real pasteurized cheese
- The can is not actually aerosol based, it is only pressurized.
- Easy cheese is only available in the United States
-It is manufactured in Wrightstown, Wisconsin
- Can be stored for years without going bad
-Flavors include: American, cheddar, Swiss, bacon & cheddar, and nacho cheese

That’s it. I find it hard to believe that there is no more information available about cheese in a can. I also found it VERY suspicious that it is available exclusively in the United States. Deprived countries in African could benefit greatly from this product… Real cheese that doesn’t need refrigeration that can last for over a year. Why isn’t this product given in food drives for starving nations. I also find is suspicious that there is no mention of the person that invented cheese in a can. That’s why I purpose the following theory; Cheese in a can was developed secretly by the military in the World War 2 era. This new canned innovation was provided to the troops as a source of dairy as well as a lovely condiment to the not so tasty MRE’s. Things were all well and dandy until a German bullet struck a troop’s cheese in a can. The bullet pierced the pressurized can and shrapnel impaled the soldier carrying the cheese in a can. Although not responsible for any deaths, cheese in a can was seen as an immediate threat to those soldiers that carried it. Word spread through enemy camps to: “Not fire until you see the white of their cans.” This led to the immediate ban of all canned cheese among soldiers. Supplies of cheese in a can were shipped back to the states and stored indefinitely in an armory in Wrightstown Wisconsin. In 1966 a janitor stumbled across a dusty crate full of what appeared to be canned cheese. Curiosity…getting the better of him, he removed the lid and squirted out a constant stream of cheese onto a cracker which he happened to have with him from lunch earlier. Upon tasting this strange new item he was shocked to find out that it was still good, it had not molded, or lost any value over the years. Word spread throughout the armory and eventually up the ranks of the military. This nearly forgotten military development appeared to be a gold mine. The military informed several food companies of this top secret cheese canning technology, and eventually Kraft wound up with the rights to call it it’s own. Immediately all records of cheese in a can as a military development were covered up and documents were burned. The military and Kraft foods have successfully been pulling the wool over our eyes for years. It’s time to take a stand. Don’t let the glorious history of cheese in a can be limited to only a paragraph. Let its true nature shine…from sea to shining sea. God bless America, and god bless cheese in a can. Please pass the crackers!